Raise your hand if at some point in your life you've been desperately trying to find a partner. I certainly have. From my early teenage days to my 20s (I know, crazy right?). The thing is I was infatuated with the idea of LOVE and the amazing things that it came with: a partner that cares about you, is always by your side, helps you in anything you need, bring breakfast in bed every morning (ok, maybe this last one is not mandatory). But the thing is that I was actively trying to find someone because I wanted to have my amazing teenage love story (which by the way never came).

CHAPTER 1- LOVE QUEST

That super long quest trying to find the perfect partner only resulted in finding unstable people with (90% of the time) insecurity problems that made the relationship very, VERY difficult. And by that I mean that I was literally giving my all into the relationship and that made the other person feel super insecure, to the point that they didn't even know where to hang out or what to give me as a present in fear that their idea would be worse than mine.

First of all, I don't care about presents or cool places, I care about company, that's all I needed, that's all I need and that's all I'll ever need. But the fact that I am naturally creative and invested made them feel like their ideas were not enough. I tried so hard to make them understand that I didn't want anything, that I only needed them.

Of course that didn't work and I had to end all my relationships because of others insecurities, cause yes:

1- I was desperately looking for a partner BUT

2- NO I would NEVER stay with someone that I'm not happy with (unlike the 80% of people) but that's another point that I'll talk about later on.

The thing is that I was always finding myself ending the relationships but at the same time feeling awful and always thinking it was my fault, cause I was getting the ''why don't you stop being so thoughtful and attentive? That makes me feel insecure''.

So I thought "Cool, If me being nice made the other person feel insecure, I should stop being so nice"

But after some thinking I got to the following conclusion:  WHY THE HELL would I stop being thoughtful and attentive just because of someone's insecurity? I'm not saying I wouldn't be with someone with insecurities, we ALL have them. BUT, if this insecurity gets in MY way and is trying to CHANGE my persona? Nuh-uh. I'm this way, I am naturally caring and thoughtful, and I believe these are good qualities that no one should ever try to fade.

At that moment I realized, I wasn't the problem and so, I felt good about ending those relationships. Relationships that had tons of red-flags that I would just ignore while the other person was telling me how awful I was for being attentive and thoughtful.

CHAPTER 2- LOVE DETOXING

After my last attempt on finding love, I just have had enough. I decided not to look anymore, and honestly it was the best decision I've ever made. I spend a year being the happiest I've ever been. No drama, no crying, no staying up late thinking what was I doing wrong in the relationship. I was free of love and at the same time I was getting SELF love.

For the first time in many years, I didn't have a crush, I literally liked no one, I just hung out with my friends and family and I had a great time. If love has to knock at my door, then it will, whenever that is, and if it doesn't, then it's fine! I do need love to survive in life, but I always had love, the love of my friends and the love of my family members, and now my self-love. And by self-love I mean that I finally realized I can be happy and ok with myself and no one else. I'm taking no more bullshit for love. I still have a long way to go in life and if at some point I meet someone I like that can take all my thoughtfulness, creativity and attentiveness, I'll be more than happy, but meanwhile I'm not going to cry about not having a romantic relationship with someone.

As I said before I'm not the kind of guy that gets in a relationship with someone I don't like, unlike a lot of people I see. I've only had one serious relationship and the rest were failed attempts on getting there but never did. Then I see lots of people having different partners every. Single. Month. And I'm like... how? How can you:

1- Move on so fast?

2- Fall in love so quickly?

Let me guess: they don't.

They are just insecure. Insecure to the point that they NEED someone to feel fulfilled. That after breaking up with someone they are already flirting with someone else, so they don't feel that void inside. But that void can only be filled with yourself. You know what they say "you won't be able to love properly until you love yourself". It's easy to say "I love myself" but its not easy to actually LOVE yourself. Now that I can be comfortable alone and I realized I'm completely happy as I am right now, I know I got that self-love, of course I still have insecurities, but the specific insecurity about being alone and wasting my young years is gone, and its honestly a relief.

 LOVE EPILOGUE

Red flag you see, spill the tea. Meaning if you are ever in a relationship and something doesn't add up, don't you stay quiet, speak up, TALK. Communication is KEY. Communication with YOURSELF is also key, you need to know what you are feeling, why you are feeling this way and then express it.

Also, keep in mind:

It's ok to want a girlfriend/boyfriend but make sure you know you don't need it.

And last advice before I stop being a Love-Guru Carrie-Bradshaw wannabe: once you end a relationship don't. ever. come. back. Why? Cause they will. Not gonna lie, in every single one of my relationships my partners would come back somehow after MONTHS, maybe a text, a DM, an insta story reaction. So don't worry, eventually they will realize your worth, too bad you'd have also realized theirs :).